Circle of Life

The tears haven't even stopped. It's still hard to believe we no longer share our home with our beloved bulldog, Finster. All of the bulldog fan club "stuff" is still proudly displayed around our house. Pictures, statues, figurines, dish towels, and pillows to name a few. Except now we also have a pretty green and white floral tin box sitting on a shelf above Finster's "spot." That box holds the cremated remains of our favorite four legged family member. When I hung that shelf below our family picture I could never find anything to put on it that seemed to look right. Never would I imagine that this is what would complete that space.

In the kitchen the treat jar stands empty. I take that back. Inside you'll find Fin's favorite "hot dog shaped tennis ball on a rope." Next to the treat jar - the infamous stuffed Mr. Potato Head. Reminders of Fin everywhere.

In my mind Finny's passing was also a sign that I had enough on my plate. With an eight month old baby to take care of, let's just say that I didn't feel our ailing dog was getting as much attention as he used to. His death was sudden, not one that any of us saw coming. Although I have a huge hole in my heart, I feel a guilty sense of freedom. The baby and I could come and go without worry. No feedings, no medication, no cleaning and no more of the stinky stuff that went along with a dog who had a chronically infected tail. That wasn't pretty for me or Fin. And although I cry every time I looked at his picture, I know that someway he knew that this was getting to be too much for the both of us.

Now I understand why my mom was apprehensive about getting Fin in the first place. She would tell me, "You just get too attached. I've been there and I don't want to do it again." Boy, do I understand. I knew we would have dogs in the future. Once we were in the house of our dreams and our children were of the age where they might actually be able to help out - wishfully thinking anyway. This house is small and we'll be here for a few more years. With Fin not here, the floors seem to stay remarkably clean and the air fresh. It's hard, but I'll get through the sadness and the emptiness.

Puppy is usually such a cute and playful word. But it felt like a ton of bricks hit me when my husband dropped it on me a few weeks ago. Well obviously he must be crazy because Fin just passed and he works a ton and I'm home with the baby. So who would even be able to raise a puppy? He's just talking. I'll listen and nod and won't bring it up again. And I didn't. A week went by and he said it again. I listened and didn't bring it up again. Then he comes home one night, opens his email and plops the laptop in my lap. Read this. And there it was. An email from a breeder and a picture of one the cutest things I had ever seen. Hooked.

So now I'm listening and nodding and engaging in this conversation. The whole time I know this is a crazy idea. I mean who gets a bulldog puppy this quickly when they have a baby? Having an adult dog and a baby is a different story. But a puppy? That's nuts. I went to bed and thought about it. Bad idea. I was up at 3am worrying how I would break it to my husband, who's excitement about this was way high, that I just couldn't do it. In the morning I broke it to him right away. And he took it. Just like that he said he understood and we went about our day. Sneaky, sneaky.

That breeder didn't get back to his original email to her. So in his own private time he kept looking. And there's another. Cuter than the first. All this time I'm thinking to myself, maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit. Our daughter is a good sleeper at night and a great sleeper during the day. Two naps somewhere around one to two hours each. During that time I twiddle my thumbs. I'm home, I mean I have to be so she can sleep. Yeah, we go to the gym and run errands between naps, but the majority of the time we're here. You need to be home to raise a puppy and I'm home. One point for my husband and puppy. Plus, I could use a challenge. I mean I used to work full time and juggle all that came along with being a first grade teacher. I mean come on, I can do this - personal challenge. Two points for husband and puppy. Oh, but the yard! It's not totally fenced in. Catch. You need a fenced in yard with a puppy and a baby. What if I'm busy with her and he needs to go out? Deal breaker, no fence. I brought that point up to my husband. Did I mention that I have an appointment with the fence guy this afternoon? He can do the job next week. Three points for hubby and puppy. They win.

Now all the while that I'm fighting this, I'm secretly naming the puppy, looking at crates online, calling friends that have puppies, BUYING him a light blue blankie for the crate I don't own, and getting REALLY excited. I can do this, I want to do this, this is going to be the greatest thing yet! The baby will LOVE him. She's totally at that age where she's into dogs. She loved Fin and she'll love puppy. Puppy will be hers for her whole childhood. What a way to teach a child responsibility and unconditional love (besides ours for her, of course).

We are going to meet the little guy on April 5th. If all goes well, we'll pick him up and take him home on the 10th. That's right, the day before Easter. What's cuter than a puppy in a baby's Easter basket? Not much.

I'll keep you posted on the challenges and joys that come along with raising these two very different babies. I mean, I managed to successfully teach 20 plus kids for nine years straight. Certainly I can handle this...

Oh yeah, the puppy's name is a secret, but you can be certain his middle initial will be F.